I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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