you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
