Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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