instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
