No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sarcasm needs its own font
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
