Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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