My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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