He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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