That's intense
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
