I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
