he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
