its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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