threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
