you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
