The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
