He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
