Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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