just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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