Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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