Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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