I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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