is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
