It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
