I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
