I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there's paper in my vomit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
