so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
