I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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