Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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