I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
