i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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