By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
