U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
