so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
