She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
