i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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