i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
