it wasn't lemon gatorade
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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