After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
