This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
