I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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