WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
