ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
