i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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