I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
