Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize