i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
