Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
