Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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