Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
