absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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