all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
