We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
