He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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