There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
