I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
