I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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