there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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