he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize