"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
