Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize