Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
