its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Im part way to drunk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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