Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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