I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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