I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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