I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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