Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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